Audio Description

Anonymous’s Selby Connection

Teenage struggle with perfectionism and self-doubt.

Anonymous’s Selby Story

I was born in Hambleton, a little village just outside of Selby. My mother gave birth to me in the house that I still live in, she still sleeps in that bed. My mum was always a scary figure in my childhood, I was worried to let her down or hurt her in some way. Growing up, we’ve grown closer, I realise that she just wanted the best for me and me being good and reaching my full potential, but I suppose I just took that as fear of disappointing her. 

I still struggle with that now. I constantly crave reassurance and if I feel I’m failing or not doing exactly what someone is asking of me, I quit. And I start again and do it ‘properly’, often to no success. I struggle at college. I am an art student. I try to be creative but as soon as my teacher comes and comments on any of my work, I hate it and feel the need to start again, even when she is positive. I got full distinctions in my last assessment. 

The perfectionist in me doesn’t end with my work or my relations, it also affects me. I spent my whole life trying and failing to be the perfect person and what I thought everyone else wanted me to be, that I never worked out who I was. All I was was a failure with no future. And even though I still have the emotional and physical scars of how I battled myself, I feel positive that is behind me and I’m ready to try and work out who I am and find my place in this life. I don’t know the end of this story. I don’t know if it will be in Selby or somewhere else. I don’t have a plan for the future, work? University? I really don’t know. The end may come in a few years or in eighty but for now, I’m going to spend some time working out the things I’m missing and figuring out who I actually am, and learning to love that person.

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